According to the ‘paradox of forgetfulness in conversational narrative’ described by Norrick, forgetfulness is taken by listeners as ‘proof of authenticity’, as opposed to polished storytelling with no signs of hesitation, which has the effect of ‘practiced performance’.

– Approaches to spoken interaction

My grandmother used to grow potatoes in Heilongjiang.

– Y

What we say and how we say it tells others something about us. There are those who appear unconscious of this and others who fixate more than necessary on this. The awareness of being judged can give rise to showmanship or playing to the gallery. It could also become a stumbling block.

Some articles suggest that some decision makers who do not have the luxury or inclination to deliberate, choose based on how confident a speaker sounds.

The reasoning of such decision makers could go something like this. If the one propositioning or offering his opinion sounds very confident, he must believe very strongly in it. For him to believe so strongly in it, he must know something I don’t know. He seems to have bet the farm on it (reputation if not also resources) and so even if I don’t understand fully what he is saying, I am willing to bet on his will to make good on his investment – if anything were to deviate from expectations, he seems self-assured enough to handle and bring things back on track.

An alternative line of reasoning could be as follows. I don’t know enough. He must know more because of all the evidence he cites. If he sounds confident it must be because he knows the truth. Though I am not sure what to make of the evidence, I believe him because, well, he has shown evidence.

There have been studies investigating the relationship between extraversion/introversion and oral language performance in formal and informal contexts. An extravert is “sociable…sticks his neck out, acts on the spur of the moment and is generally an impulsive individual”. An introvert is the “quiet, retiring sort … introspective”, who “tends to plan ahead”, “looks before he leaps,” and “distrusts the impulse of the moment” (Eysenck & Eysenck, 1964 as cited in Manalo & Greenwood, 2004). Unsurprisingly and invariably, extraverts have been found to perform better during oral language evaluations, particularly in terms of the “global impression” (Manalo & Greenwood, 2004) they leave on hearers.

Understandably then, introverted speakers might be given to more anxiety than warranted because of their propensity to introspect. They might wonder if they might reveal some misunderstanding, if they sound too soft, if they are answering the question asked directly and if they are boring the hearer. They tend to be more mindful of the listener’s responses, real or perceived. As a result, they would filter responses very much more. This filtering takes time and translates to pauses in a conversation which a hearer might perceive as hesitation because of a lack of knowledge. A negative correlation has been found between anxiety states and oral performance. An anxious speaker would be less able to retrieve relevant information from his long-term memory for use in his working memory.

Perhaps, the following facts might relieve introverted students of the burden they carry in their hearts.

Michael Burry is an anomaly in his field. His job was to convince others to park their funds with him so that they would get outsized returns. He did not seem extroverted or extraverted. While most other money managers who sounded very confident in their pitches were advising prospects to bet one way, he was a lone (very soft) voice in the wilderness against the loudest, most authoritative sounding voices in the area at the time. Eventually, when many of the confident sounding money managers lost their clients’ monies, he achieved a return of 489.34% since inception, for his fund. The movie, The Big Short, was based on this. What is noteworthy, is how in the movie, till the very end (collapse in 2008), those who had in fact been completely wrong in their analysis and representation continued sounding authoritative and very confident.

Roger McNamee who wrote Zucked, in the chapter titled, “The Strangest Meeting Ever” describes how Mark Zuckerberg in their first meeting, took a whole five minutes to ruminate in complete silence before responding to what he had just heard from the former, while McNamee was sitting before him. McNamee described Zuckerberg as “reserved, thoughtful, serious”.

Some rethinking about sounding confident and pauses appears to be in order. The Imposter Syndrome describes how high achievers often feel like they are just pretending and that they are inadequate. This leads them to often question themselves and sometimes they might sound less confident because their views may not be shared by the majority in the field. That alone obviously, takes nothing away from their achievements and the reasoning which gave rise to such achievement.

There are those who can attest to becoming less and less certain the more they learn about something. Limited knowledge leads to confidence because, one knows only of a limited number of variables on which an outcome turns. Understanding the relationship between these variables would then allow a confident prognosis. When more knowledge is gained, more variables appear. Increase in the number of variables would lead to a corresponding reduction in certainty. This does not mean we should sound uncertain. In sounding confident, we should acknowledge uncertainty.

Introverts have a lot to contribute because they spend a lot of time thinking and observing. They should believe this of themselves especially before they are required to speak. Also, though extraverts have been found to leave better overall impressions, at a more granular level, such as accuracy of semantics (vocabulary used) and pronunciation, some studies have found them to make a greater number of errors. Introverted speakers tend to filter and curate more and consequently use more appropriate vocabulary and ensure accurate pronunciation. Knowing this might relieve introverts of some anxiety.

Another cause of anxiety especially for introverts, might be when words used or concepts referred to in a question do not at once bring to mind something of relevance. The working memory has less capacity than the long-term memory. If one draws a blank in the first instance, anxiety might increase. Anxiety would further narrow the working memory. A speaker who understands how memory works would allow himself to pause for a short while and think. This short pause will make a world of difference because it allows the retrieval of relevant information for use in the conversation.

While a speaker may have difficulty explicating a concept when being evaluated for oral performance, personal stories of relevance are usually much more easily accessed. When asked a question, a speaker could take a moment to process keywords in a question before recalling some personal story based on the keywords.

According to Norrick, who wrote, Remembering and Forgetfulness in Conversational Narrative, speakers come across more authentic when they show openly how they have difficulty recalling details in a personal story or when they make attempts to correct details as they progress in the story they are telling. Perfection does not come across authentic. This should free speakers who are very concerned about delivering a perfect presentation of thoughts in response to a question.

Recently, a student Y was asked, in the context of a stimulus-based conversation if she would be interested in working on a vegetable farm. At once, she appeared uncomfortable and her efforts to will herself to speak were evident. After some internal struggle, she managed to offer a somewhat laconic reply: “I would not like to work on a farm because the weather would be very hot and I do not want to work long hours under the hot sun.”

A further question on if she had any personal story to share, was asked to prompt more content generation. While she may not have worked on a farm or visited one, she could have shared a story about how she has tried walking under the hot sun and how that turned out to be something she did not like. This would have supported her point on weather.

Instead, after a while, she began sharing about how her grandmother had a vegetable plot overseas and how she sometimes grew potatoes or sweet potatoes and other vegetables. She went on about how the farmers there did not want to use pesticides and therefore had to themselves catch mice and get rid of other pests. She related rather sadly how her grandmother complained about sore feet and hands after long hours on her vegetable plot. She then rounded up her response by saying, this is why she was not keen to work on vegetable farms.

That was a very comprehensive response and one which truly engaged the listener because city dwellers don’t normally hear of farm life. It was also completely unexpected of her given her initial brief response.

While speakers share the larger world with their listeners, there are smaller worlds within which their lives are situated. Oral conversations are opportunities to offer a glimpse into their private worlds which no one else, being non-inhabitants could offer.

This tiny glimpse is no small potatoes.

The Brain Dojo