I controlled my emotions and life went back on-track.
– Overcoming Grief, ZZ
At The Brain Dojo, students receive a letter for every first draft of compositions they write. Each letter is a personal response to their story. Every letter is different and there is no standard template or specific areas which are covered. What a student receives would depend on the contents of the story and student’s thought process revealed therein. Techniques, language and life lessons in relation to the relevant theme are surfaced. The letters train critical thinking and develop language ability.
The following is a letter to an esteemed student who called when she had just finished primary 5, asking if slots were available. It was at once apparent that the caller was independent and confident. Such opportunities should never be passed up and she got her appointment.
Synopsis
The protagonist loses her grandparents in a car accident. Though she knows life has to go on, in her mind, she struggles with her emotions. She is unable to unsee the images of her grandparents smiling at her. Memories of the times when they showered her with warmth now leave her feeling like she has been shut out in the cold. Her results flounder and her mother is doubly affected. Seeing this, the protagonist draws strength from the example of her mother who has been strong for her sake, pulls herself together and does not try anymore to put her grandparents out of her mind.
Dear Z,
I genuinely enjoyed reading this piece. After a writer masters the mechanics of a language; this means being able to write grammatically and spell correctly, her voice would emerge in writing. We begin to see through her stories, who she really is. We get to know a person through what they write. This is the case even if it is a fictional story, not a factual recount.
A reader experiencing your story would be able to tell clearly how strong and mature you are. You made it very, very realistic. It is true that the greatest obstacles to moving on are the images of the past which would flash up against our will, in our mind.
You described the effects of grief, “pillow was soaked with tears”, “Messy hair and red eyes”, “Math equations … like foreign languages” and “my English teacher” sounded alien”. This is an important component of ‘Overcoming Grief’. You have to show what it is you are overcoming.
You were also careful to base many paragraphs on the struggle. You engaged in ‘self-talk’ which all of us do even when not battling grief. For instance, we tell ourselves, “I’ve got this!” before exams. Here, the protagonist told herself, “I could not just stop there”. She, “took a trip to the seaside” and she “poured out her heart to her mother”. Finally, and importantly, you explained what provided the most force against the sinking feeling of loss, “Since then, I kind of grew up. I could see how my grandparents’ death affected my mother, but she managed to make it look like nothing happened.” Any reader would have felt the incredible strength in the next line which was, “I controlled my emotions …”
You are very natural and suited for this kind of reflective writing in the first person. Where possible, try to adopt the first person and write in this reflective way. You have by now written 3 masterpieces at least. These are, ‘A Strange Experience’ by ZZ, ‘A Sacrifice’ by ZZ and ‘Overcoming Grief’ also by… you guessed it, ZZ.
Readers would have appreciated how you resisted the childish urge to have everything go back to normal and to even worse, have a happily-ever-after type ending. No, you did the mature thing by showing the reality as it was. Memories are not at all easy to erase. The truth is, the more we try to fight it, the clearer the images would become in our minds and the more pain we would feel. Psychologists or people who study human emotions and behaviour advise us, just as you have done. We are to just let it be. If we do this, the images would come naturally and leave naturally and we would not be chained to the past.
Anybody who reads this story would feel stronger when they finish. I did too. That is the power of words. Continue to write realistic stories which teach and give strength to your readers Z!
Just remember, when we write, we are to write in complete sentences. This means, constructions like, “The kind faces of my grandparents.” – are not sentences. So, you may get penalised. I do understand that this type of construction can be impactful, for instance, “Messy hair and red eyes”. Use these sparingly and only to create impact.
You have clearly grown as a writer and now you can begin to aim for the stratosphere of incredible scores above 35. You are already there. Keep losing yourself in your imagination and emotions as you write and you will be amazed at how masterpieces come naturally to you, just like an artist with her paintbrush.
Aim high Z!
The Brain Dojo
